Imagine you have to give your new employee negative feedback. You really don’t want to do this, you don’t want to mess up the relationship, but you know it’s a must as it’s affecting the business. 

People don’t like being told what to do. Especially when they’re doing something wrong and you’re coming along to tell them to do something else.

The best way to tell someone is NOT to tell them.

You want to ask them questions to help them come to the conclusion themselves.
This process is called mediation.

If you’ve listened to episodes 354 & 381, you’ll be familiar with what I’m talking about.

Mediation helping someone figure out the answer or what is needed to be done through the process of asking questions.

Usually when giving mediation, we don’t want to have an agenda in mind. We want to come to the conversation open and see where it takes you.
When you’re using mediation to give feedback, you obviously have the agenda of telling them what you want to tell them.
However, you still want to come with an open mind to see if maybe they have a better solution to what you’re trying to tell them.

I like to think of it as getting from point A to point B.
A is where they are right now and B is the results of where you want to them to go.
HOW they get there, is their choice. And that’s what you’re going to do while you’re mediating them.

5 Tips to Help You Succeed When Giving Negative Feedback:

1. When you are mediating someone, you have to begin at their current location. Start by asking them questions based on where they are right now. 
They just spoke to a client and it went bad? Ask them what they think happened in that situation?
They’re having a negative attitude towards a certain project? Ask what they think about it.

2. Based on their answers to where they are right now, you slowly ask them more questions leading in the direction of what you want to say.
As the conversation flows and you think the person is ready to hear  the feedback you want to share, say what you want to say with a question. “I was thinking…. What do you think?”

3. Super important - wait for their response. During the entire conversation give them time to think about the question and based on their response add another question.

4. You want to show them you are on the same page as them, it’s not you against them. Make sure all your questions and comments aren't personally attacking them.
When you have to say something they might be offended by, take the responsibility on yourself and phrase it in a way where it’s not attacking the.
For example, “I personally like it when….” and make sure to follow it with a question to hear their thoughts.

5. Remember, especially in business, we may need things to happen in ways they disagree with.
However, it doesn’t mean we have all the best ideas.
Use this opportunity to ask them if they have any better ideas on what to do or how to get the results you are looking for. 


Yes, I know this takes a lot more time, but this how they’ll actually listen to your feedback.

I didn’t say anything about being positive and giving compliments, as I’m assuming you're already using lots of it. It’s really important that the person feels like you care about them, or else none of this will work.