Most people think confidence is something you either have or you don’t.
But a lot of the time, what people call “confidence” is actually a thinking skill.

Case Study

A few years ago, I worked with a client named Cydney. Cydney ran a marketing agency that was doing well, but Cydney had one problem that kept showing up again and again.
She couldn’t speak up.
Not in meetings with her team. Not with clients. Not even with a group of friends.

And it wasn’t that she didn’t have ideas. Cydney had great ideas.

She’d sit in a meeting and immediately see the better strategy. She’d know exactly what direction the project should go. But she wouldn’t say anything.

Instead, she’d sit there silently while the conversation moved forward. After the meeting ended, Cydney would walk out feeling frustrated with herself and would replay the meeting in her head all day.
“I should have said something.”
“I knew that wouldn’t work.”
“Why didn’t I just speak up?”

Sometimes she’d even write the message later in Slack after the meeting ended, but often by then it was too late.

This didn’t just affect meetings. Clients would make requests Cydney knew weren’t a good idea. Instead of pushing back, she’d say yes, only to have to eat it later.

“I just need more confidence,” Cydney told me the first time we met, but I knew very quickly that the lack of confidence was just a symptom. Cyndey simply had a weak thinking skill that were causing her to not speak up.

28 Thinking Skills
You see, to do any task, you’re gonna use some of the 28 thinking skills. If the thinking skills you need to use are weak, your brain doesn’t want to do the task, so it will find ways for you not to do it. But when those thinking skills are strong, doing the task happens easily, so your brain doesn’t mind.

Cydney had a weak thinking skill of giving a thoughtful response
Now that might sound strange because Cydney was actually very smart.

But having good ideas and being able to express those ideas clearly in the moment are two different thinking skills.

Cydney had the ideas but struggled to express them in a clear, structured way.
So what would happen?

Her brain would hesitate. “Wait… how do I say this? What if it comes out wrong?” And in that thought process, she’d lose her confidence.
Once we improved her thinking skill of giving a thoughtful response, it was easy for Cydney to speak up.

Now, if experiencing a lack of confidence, it may come from a completely different weak thinking skill. Find out where each of your 28 thinking skills is standing at: www.lifepixuniversity.com/cf

Giving a Thoughtful Response
The thinking skill of giving a thoughtful response is your brain’s ability to take a messy internal idea and organize it into language that another person can easily understand.

Inside your head, thoughts are not always neat sentences.
They’re Images. Feelings. Half-formed ideas.

This thinking skill is what allows your brain to quickly organize that internal mess into something structured, like:
“Here’s the issue.”
“Here’s the reason.”
“And here’s the solution.”

When this thinking skill is strong, speaking feels easy.

Improving the Giving a Thoughtful Response

Here are three exercises I had Cydney do to develop giving a thoughtful response:

Exercise 1: The 60-second Explanation.
I gave Cydney random topics and had her explain it out loud in under 60 seconds.
Explain how email works.
Explain how coffee is made.
Explain why meetings run late etc.

While it may seem like the timer is just putting pressure, often the timer helps your brain think faster. The first few explanations you might give might be more jumbled, but as you do it more, the goal is for it to get easier and clearer.


Exercise 2: The Main Idea
When talking, I’d have Cydney start with the main idea.

Oftentimes, when people talk, they give a lot of background information, which just makes it confusing for people. When talking, FIRST say the main idea, then if necessary, you can provide background information, give examples, stories etc.

It becomes clearer in your brain and is easier for the person listening to understand.


Exercise 3: Talk to Kids
Often, when we speak with children, we speak baby language or downplay the concept.

What if we simply talk like we’d be talking to adults? If they don’t know what a word means, can you define it for them?

While Cydney only had an 18-month-old, she did have neighbors, nieces, and nephews. I told her to practice talking about complex ideas with these children. Whether they’re 4 or 14, often these children are very interested in learning, especially if you have patience for them.

I love this exercise because it’s helping you and the kid you’re talking to at the same time.

After Improving Giving a Thoughtful Response
It didn’t take long for Cydney to start speaking up in meetings. Even her employees noticed and started making comments. They loved what she had to say.


Cheers to Peak Brain Performance!
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